As a kid I knew I was a bit different, I grew up in mining and farming towns and never really felt like I fit in. Even as a kid I got turned on by things that are not considered normal, I didn't know what that good feeling was but all I knew is I thought it wasn't normal. As a teenager this progressed, especially when I explored my sexuality through porn and self experimentation. I didn't tell anyone, I thought there was something wrong with me.
I discovered BDSM as a teenager through porn, I used to watch it for hours, it was my own little dirty secret, my personal escape.
I am naturally a pleaser, I had always suppressed what really got me going in order to please whoever I am with, this evolved into me getting my kicks from pleasing people and forgetting about myself. It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I admitted to the guy I started seeing what turned me on, surprisingly he had the same kinks which allowed me to explore them more. Finding someone who understood my kinks and allowed me to explore them made me feel more normal. Over time I became more open with them, joining a BDSM community which was the first time in my life I felt I belong somewhere, surrounded by open minded people with their own kinks, somewhere we could all be open!
This is where I met open escorts for the first time. The Kinky/open scene in adelaide is not just for kinky people, its for the LGBTQ, polyamory, and swingers communities to come together and embrace the fact we are not normal in societies religious-driven eyes, but together we are normal, we are all unique with our own little things.
Even in the BDSM world we are not all the same, there are thousands of kinks, some which turn me off, some which I'm comfortable with but don't really get me going, and some which drive me insane! I know there are some kinks that I just don't like, but I make an effort to try to understand them. Some kinks are purely a physical thing, others a hormonal thing, others a psychological thing.
After a recent discussion on consensual non-consent with many people vocalizing either their disgust or not being able to understand why someone would 'want to be raped' or they are 'fu*ked up for want to rape someone' I have decided to write this blog as I offer quite extensive bookings involving different kinks. There's no way I can explain all the kinks so I'm going to focus on 2 main ones that are common that society has trouble understanding - Consensual non-consent/'Rape play' and S&M
CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT 'Rape play'/Consensual non-consent is not actually about traumatising someone, forcing them against their will, its about power control and exchange. In a traditional, high-protocol BDSM session, the submissive is passive, they are told what to do and obey. Sometimes this isn't enough. Sometimes the submissive wants their power to be taken away, especially if they live a life where they are always in control, so they get off on having that control taken away. THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO BEING RAPED! There is a lot of judgement towards the top in this type of play, I know many men (and some women) who enjoy this type of play, most of them are actually very nice people, they take the time to discuss likes, dislikes, limitations, and safe words. They take the time to build a rapport with their bottom before engaging in a consensual non-consent session. In a traditional, high-protocol BDSM session, their submissive gives away their control (after pre-discussions), this again might not be enough for the top. They enjoy the power struggle and overpowering the bottom by 'force'. THIS IS NOT RAPE! I could make assumptions and put my own psychoanalysis as to why the top enjoys this, but at the end of the day consensual non-consent and other more substantial kinks like humiliation/degradation, forced orgasms, cuckolding ect. are more about the power control, rather than abusing someone.
S&M Sadism and Masochism is complex for many reasons, depending on the submissive it could be physical, psychological, hormonal or a mix of them. The submissive may like having their psychological and/or physical boundaries pushed, or they may be susceptible to going into subspace through pain which goes to hormonal responses. I have written blogs before on subspace so for more information, refer to them. Just like consensual non-consent, sometimes a submissive enjoys having their boundaries pushed, and the top enjoys pushing them. There are plenty of articles that explain S&M further.
There's a massive difference between abuse and a kink. Someone who wants to abuse a victim has minimal compassion or consideration to what they are doing to their victim, they are generally narcissists, sociopaths and/or psychopaths. Many of these people hide behind BDSM, they are known as predators, or abusers. They may manipulate or force a submissive into things they don't enjoy, pushing their limits. This is why I always extensively screen any top who I may play with, and encourage any submissive to educate themselves, learn their boundaries and limits in a slow and safe manner, then stick to them and not let someone manipulate them into fulfilling their kinks.
These kinks I have discussed are in more the 'extreme' category, they are hard to understand and if you have had no exposure you may jump to the conclusion that anyone who enjoys it are messed up. Generally they are not, yes there are some with underlying issues but we all have issues don't we? I see men with all different types of kinks including ugg boot, armpit, pegging, body worship, foot and underwear fetish's. I don't get off on it like they do, but I enjoy helping the explore their kinks and as a pleaser I get my kicks from that.
Even if you don't have a fetish, you may like certain things like DFK, cuddling, certain positions, strip teasing ect. which some people enjoy more than others, I may or may not enjoy it as much as you but I enjoy helping you experience it, just like I enjoy helping my kinky clients experience what they enjoy. As long as everyone is consenting, no one is manipulating, and we are all having a good time then there's no reason to judge anyone on what they personally enjoy.